Another chapter in my life has come full circle and today it marks a close for me. It was a hope a dream that I thought would come to pass, but today I surrender it to my Maker. I can't change the past or write the future, but I can be a part of what it is and today it is my life.
What I had hoped is now given to God along with everything that goes with it. I have to move forward and the plow had dug in so deep it is hard to climb out, it is hard to see the truth that is yet to be revealed to me, but it is in the truth that I must let go of the plow. I have run the race and I have come to the finish line. I have taken many penalty laps and in doing so: I have learned that I am not perfect, but in order to work towards being better is in letting go of the things that hold us back.
This last year and a half have not been a loss for me, but a gain. What started out as a defeat has only become a victory and today I know that I have run the race. It was not easy. It started out being hemmed into a trailer, so close but yet taken into the wilderness. To move from there into a bigger place, but in that place I saw that life was more about everyone around me then myself, but trapped with myself stuck in a place with no one. No one for miles except for me and God. It was beautiful yet it was ugly with the fear of being alone for the rest of my life. Learning that in order to live, I had to learn to live alone, relying not on myself, but on God. Then I moved from that place when the door opened up for me in a new place in Leroy, it was half way and in that distance it gave me time to reflect on life, to pray to regain focus on the things that are important to me.
Along the way I became lost and felt alone, but even though I took wrong turns and had to deal with the penalty laps to follow, it was the wrong turns that set me right. It was my fault for those paths and taking responsibility for them only put into place the lessons I learned from them. And in those laps my race lasted longer then maybe it was suppose to, but here I am today and it looks like maybe another year here in Leroy, but in this year is a new chapter in my life.
This chapter has yet to be written and what it contains I don't know. In this last year I had glimpses of what it would contain, but this coming year is different. It contains new possibilities, because the past is let go of, no longer mine to deal with and no longer something that I can change, for today is a new day for me and a new start of something much greater then myself.
I am afraid, but yet with the fear comes great joy, because the old has passed away and what is to come is new and fresh. What it contains I do not know, but all I have is my faith and trusting that it will be incredible.
