Tonights quote

Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great. - Mark Twain

Wet Paper Bag

Have you ever had the feeling of being lost without direction, can't seem to move forward or even backward? Well you are not alone. I have found so many people in the same place, but yet they are afraid to share it with anyone else. They feel stuck in a dead end job, or their relationship isn't moving forward or they feel just stuck with no place to go. In all of these cases when you feel this way, they think that the answer is leaving the relationship, or leaving the job, but what if that isn't the answer. What if the answer you seek is not found in another job, or another person, but the answer you seek was right their all along.

It is time to stop looking for the answer we seek in others first and start looking for the answer in ourselves. If we seek others we will only find more questions more problems. Same with the jobs, maybe it is time we start learning instead of running, hiding and just being selfish.

Are you being honest with yourself? Are we being honest with the person we are with? If you are in a relationship, is honesty, communication your goal? Well if they aren't, the answers start with you, stop looking for the easy way out and start looking for the answers that will last a lifetime.

I missed the boat on this so many times. I thought in order to find what I thought I lost I had to seek others in the same boat, but really that just led to more problems. We can't help others until we learn the bottom line in ourselves. We will give in and surrender ourselves to things that wouldn't be alright if we were thinking straight. We will take a job just to get away from problems only to find the same ones around us again. The answer isn't in the job, in a person, it is in you. Stop looking for the easy answer and make a choice to fix the problems.

The first step we must take is in ourselves. Stop pointing fingers and ask what can I do to change the situation, what can I do about the issues at home or work. When we say if the job would change or my partner would change we are not seeing the issue. Look first at yourself, because in order to change others, we must first be willing to change ourselves.

Thought for you

To the world you may be just one person, but to one person you may be the world. - Brandi Snyder

What do we do with the Lemons

When we get served lemons what do we do with them? It is time to make lemonade. It is time to see that life will not always be easy, in fact there are day that it will be down right hard. That people do not do what we want them to do, because they are not us. We can run away and hide from the very things that cause us worry and doubt, or we can embrace them today, we can see that even when there seems to be no hope, that we can create hope in the darkest of places. It is when we see that life is not about what was, but what we make it; is when we are able to see life has meaning, that life is so much more then the things of the past, it is about now.

We tend to want to do the things that seem easiest to us, but at what price are we willing to pay for those things? To want a full life full of potential it takes time, it takes being willing to grow and to change, it takes making hard choices. We are so quick to look at the easy choices, we are quick to say what can I get out of it. Isn't it time we stop thinking what is the easiest way to do things and see life will sometime take some hard choices.

Life is full of changing and growing and it is time we embrace the fact that in order to move forward, that we have to be willing to change, that we have to be willing to grow. In our relationships, it is about putting the one we are with first. The more we let go of what we want and embrace what they want, the more we learn what love is. Did you hear that? I think it is probably one of the hardest things to understand, but the more we stop searching for what we want and see what the one we say we love wants, the more we surrender to the fact that, that is what love is. It is probably a very difficult concept to understand, but if you look at our kids, what do we do for them? We do that very same thing, we put their needs before our own, we make sure they are loved they are fully understood, we fight for them and we would die for them, just the same thing is with the one we say I love you to, we are willing to lay down our lives to them. We are willing to surrender our wants for them, love is surrender. Love is seeing that life is not about ourselves, but the ones we are with.

Today when you say I love you, think about what that 4 letter words means. Life takes growing and changing are you willing to grow and change, or are you just looking for the easy answers, the easy way?

I Won't Give Up

I Won't Give Up"

When I look into your eyes
It's like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well, there's so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you've come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

Well, I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up

And when you're needing your space
To do some navigating
I'll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

'Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We've got a lot to learn
God knows we're worth it
No, I won't give up

I don't wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I'm here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use
The tools and gifts we got, yeah, we got a lot at stake
And in the end, you're still my friend at least we did intend
For us to work we didn't break, we didn't burn
We had to learn how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I've got, and what I'm not, and who I am

I won't give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I'm giving you all my love
I'm still looking up, still looking up.

The Easy Way or the Hard Way

We are all a fan of the easy way, but does it mean it is the right way? Does it mean that we should take the easy way out of everything? I have been doing a lot of thinking about the easy way verses the hard way. I have found that the hard way builds character, it builds who we are, not just outwardly, but inwardly as well. It is no longer about doing the easy things, it is about learning and growing, it is about planting ourselves into where we are, into what we believe. Is it following our hearts, or is it about leading our hearts even when things are tough?

I like the saying about the Oak tree, it is about how hard times will come and will try and topple it to the ground We need to be like the great Oak tree, we need to sink our roots into the ground, secure in what we believe, in who we are. We need to spend growing and not being afraid when we are not growing outwardly, that we are growing inwardly.

Today as the storms of life blow and the winds howl around you, are you floating from one thing to another; going to what is easiest? Are you planted in what you believe; are you enduring and sinking your roots in?

Don't let the storms up root you, because you were afraid of the winds and storms of change, because you where afraid to believe, today it is no longer about life as it was, but life as it is. Take a chance and start believing in life, start believing in who you are, in your marriage, in your family, sink your roots in. The storms will come, but don't let it toss you anymore, take a stand. As you stand your husband or wife will learn to stand too, your kids will grow a bond with you. Shelter them with your branches and help them grow and take root.

It is time to stop being weeds and start being an OAK tree. When I find the quote I will attach it.

Quote for this Thursday Night

Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply requires courage. - Lao Tzu

The Bond

Maybe I am not the best person to talk on this subject. I will be point blank. I have been married twice, first marriage I divorced my wife, my second marriage my wife left me. So maybe I am not the right man to discuss this or maybe because of my experiences in life I am. What I am about to share with you is about life, marriage, relationships.

The divorce rate in America isn't as high as it was 10 years ago, but the marriage rate isn't as high as it was either. What I am going to talk about is ourselves. Do you wonder why so many marriages fail? Are you married? How is it going for you? We are an "I" centered culture, we focus on ourselves, have you noticed that. Do you want to know something sad, out of 100 people there is maybe 1 that is not selfish. Oh that idea hurts doesn't it?

Marriage or relationships are not about me, they are about the ones we are with. When we are first with them we are all about them, we focus on their needs, their wants, we learn about them, their desires, their fear, their thoughts, we are all about the ones we are with as time wears on what happens, we focus less on what they want and more on my "I" needs. It becomes a selfish relationship, based on me, not on the other anymore. Have you gotten to that point in your relationship? What is your main focus, come on, be truly honest with yourself? I wasn't and look where it got me. I thought by doing all the outward stuff my inside would not show through, but they did.

A bond, is a joining of two people in a relationship. When we agree to join, we agree that our needs are not more important then our partners. We agree that we will put them first, not just for the first few days, but for the rest of our lives. Not just when we feel like it, or when it makes us happy, we agree to do it for the rest of our lives. Now I failed my wife at doing this, I put myself first, my needs before her own, my wants before what was best for her and our family. I wanted it my way and in doing so I took what I said and walked all over it. Why should she trust me when I do anything like that. I took a vow to honor and cherish, but yet when it came down to it, who did I cherish more?

If you are still with your wife or husband, don't wait another day to see who you really are. Here is a secret I have learned. I will share it with you, because you can put it into practice today.

When we make our life, our marriage, our relationships about the one we are with and no longer about ourselves, we change and in doing so we start changing our perspective on everything. Did you get that, when we make our relationships about ourselves, it will fail as it may be now. But when we start making it about the one we are with, wow amazing things will happen. We are afraid to take hard steps, but in doing so we start walking forward. What about the kids you have, guess what they will see changes as well, because no longer is about causing stress it is now working to uliminate it.

Your partner will wonder, but be to afraid to ask, because they will not want it to go back the way it was and know what given time, it may change their perspective as well.

I urge you not to wait to find it out the hard way, not to go through your wife our husband leaving, because you made marriage about yourself, your job, things more important then them, isn't it time we start putting the ones we say "I love you" to, first?

My saying "it is not all about me". No longer can it be about you, today chose to learn more about the one you are with. Start asking questions, taking time for each other. Have a game night, a date night, a vacation fund, take time away from the TV to be funny, take a walk, take a free class together. TV is about losing ones self and life is about living. Today make a choice to live for the one you say you love, your husband or wife, your kids. Learn communication together, stop putting it off, tomorrow never comes, but today is here. Why wait?

The Law of Attraction

Have you ever heard about the Law of Attraction? I believe that it is real, I believe it because it has happened to me more times then I may even realize. Let me explain a little about my own experiences.

The way I was before my wife left me was different then I am now. I didn't see life how I see it now. I was very negative, I thought that she was going to leave me, I thought that everyone she came in contact with would steal her away. Maybe you think that is nice, but instead of being a positive influence I would feed into the negative. I would bring up all the reasons why she would leave me and in the end, do you know what happened, she did leave me. She left me because I was negative, because I was self centered and I am sure the list goes on. Do I like admitting it all to you, no not really, but it goes to the whole Law of Attraction. The more we focus on something, the more it will happen.

The more we allow ourselves to focus on negative things in our lives the more we will become just the negative. I could remain negative about where I find myself today, but that will not get me anywhere. The more I saw I am what I believe to be, the more I saw that I can not be the man I once was. I had to change, not just my way of thinking, but my actions, my mind set and so many other things. I believe that we can go through life floating from one thing to another, we don't have anchors, we don't have roots, or we can plant ourselves and truly believe in so much more. I believe we are what we believe and if we believe to be evil, we will be evil. The more we believe in the negative the more negative will happen. If we believe we will not find love, guess what we will not find love. When we believe something there is nothing stopping us, but us. The more we believe the stronger we become.

Change your perspective and change your circumstances. Keep your perspective the same and you will not change anything. You will struggle and fight to see what life has, but in the struggles you will grow tired like so many other people, you will grow accustom to not wanting anything different because it is to difficult. Isn't it time instead of thinking it will be difficult to change, we realize that anything is possible and that yes even you can change. Why are you fighting change so much? It is because we know what to expect and we grow to expect our lives being crappy and so much else.

Draw a box on a sheet of paper. You could make it look 3D, now draw a stick figure in the box. Is that you? Have you placed yourself in a box, afraid to see what is outside, afraid of living life for what is around you? The answers you seek are not in that box, the past is in that box and that is it. It is time to take that drawing and draw a door, maybe a door is to big, maybe a window and open it, stick your head out the window and see that what is outside. We limit ourselves based on our fears, based on the walls we have built to keep others out. We are afraid of everyone around us and maybe even afraid of ourselves. It is time to slowly step out of the box you have placed yourself in and see life for not what it was, but what is waiting for you.

The answers you seek are not found in that box. What do you believe today? Right it out, believe and know that even you can change. Stop limiting yourself based on what other people think, start experiencing life, start believing in yourself.

Our Minds

Have you ever lost your keys? (Who hasn't...)

You search for them everywhere you thought they could be, during this time you get more and more frustrated that you can't find them, soon you are pissed off. The moment you change your focus to something else, you find your keys. After the thought runs through your mind, I could have sworn I looked their. Have you had that happen?

Now just think about this on a bigger issue, we search for answers in our life; example meaning, love, joy, peace, contentment and the list goes on. I have talked about changing our focus, but without really diving into why the change in perspective is so important. It is just like when we have miss placed our keys the moment we give up we find them. Can you imagine not looking for some of the things above and soon the answer is presented to you and you weren't looking for it. The most unlikely of places we will find the answers to our questions and a lot of the time the answer has been there all along, sitting right in front of us, but we were so busy looking every where else that we did not even think about it, or didn't even look there.

For some reason we go through life searching for everything, but yet we do not find what we are searching for. I think the more we see life for what it is, the more the answers will be clear to us. We need to stop searching everywhere else and see what is right in front of us. Do you believe that you can find the answer? If you believe that you will find the answer when the time is right, it will happen. The more we look, the more lost we become.

Does all of this make sense?

Clay Bowls (Pot)

In the last few days I have had way to much time to think. Sometimes it is a good thing, then other times it isn't. I guess I have needed it, because I was thinking about all I have been writing about, not just o here, but to my wife as well.

I have written a little about our souls, more about our hearts and minds.have you ever planted plants I a clay pot? Have you ever noticed after time the clay starts to crack and to break away. If exposed to the weather it breaks down quicker, then a pot that is shelter. Now most clay pots have a hole in the middle to allow water to drain out and that is why I called this title clay bowl. A bowl is solid and allows no draining. Our souls are that clay bowl, the more weather we have exposed it to, the more warn it is. How worn is your clay bowl. How many cracks and chips are in it.

My clay bowl was so wor from the weather, it could hold no water, it couldn't and the more someone would pour in it, the more it would leak out and my bowl remained empty, unable to hold anything. My heart would search for feelings and would go for what felt good, it wanted to be happy. My mind well it didn't know only the worry and doubt, because the soul is what links it all together. I know hard to understand, try explaining it... Draw a circle on a piece of paper, now on the right and left side of that circle draw two circles inside. All the circles are touching but the biggest circle is your soul,the other two are your heart and mind. Does that help?

Imagine if your soul has holes, it has a hard time keeping you heart and mind together, it is so easy to leak out. My soul was broken and a mess. It took my world crashing down around me. My soul (clay bowl) was shattered into 100's of pieces. It was unable to hold my heart and mind in place anymore, yes my heart and mind were all over the place and each day a piece of my soul was taken and ground, through the process of rebuilding. You are right, it sounds painful and it was, it wasn't fun looking back and seeing all the lies I had told. It wasn't fun seeing the secret thoughts I had, non of it was fun, but today my clay bowl is being reformed, yes their are still scratches in it, but it is to remind me of the areas I struggle, but the process was slow and painful, but today my bowl can hold water.

How does your bowl look? Do you have a hard time feeling love? Do. You wonder if you are alone in that feeling? So many people ask these questions and they think they are alone, the don't want to be broken, but they don't want to continue living the way they have been either. Your choices will define you and today might be the day, don't be afraid and even after the soul breaks, it will be remade into something more incredible then you have thought possible. The past doesn't make sense and the future is scary, but today is the beginning of a new life and a new way. Take hold and know that even when you think you can't you can, when you are afraid of the bowl breaking, there is more life after. Today do you want to truly feel love, joy, peace and more, or do you want to live life like a movie without sound, without music? Today your life can change, time to take those steps, it is a new day.