Maybe I am not the best person to talk on this subject. I will be point blank. I have been married twice, first marriage I divorced my wife, my second marriage my wife left me. So maybe I am not the right man to discuss this or maybe because of my experiences in life I am. What I am about to share with you is about life, marriage, relationships.
The divorce rate in America isn't as high as it was 10 years ago, but the marriage rate isn't as high as it was either. What I am going to talk about is ourselves. Do you wonder why so many marriages fail? Are you married? How is it going for you? We are an "I" centered culture, we focus on ourselves, have you noticed that. Do you want to know something sad, out of 100 people there is maybe 1 that is not selfish. Oh that idea hurts doesn't it?
Marriage or relationships are not about me, they are about the ones we are with. When we are first with them we are all about them, we focus on their needs, their wants, we learn about them, their desires, their fear, their thoughts, we are all about the ones we are with as time wears on what happens, we focus less on what they want and more on my "I" needs. It becomes a selfish relationship, based on me, not on the other anymore. Have you gotten to that point in your relationship? What is your main focus, come on, be truly honest with yourself? I wasn't and look where it got me. I thought by doing all the outward stuff my inside would not show through, but they did.
A bond, is a joining of two people in a relationship. When we agree to join, we agree that our needs are not more important then our partners. We agree that we will put them first, not just for the first few days, but for the rest of our lives. Not just when we feel like it, or when it makes us happy, we agree to do it for the rest of our lives. Now I failed my wife at doing this, I put myself first, my needs before her own, my wants before what was best for her and our family. I wanted it my way and in doing so I took what I said and walked all over it. Why should she trust me when I do anything like that. I took a vow to honor and cherish, but yet when it came down to it, who did I cherish more?
If you are still with your wife or husband, don't wait another day to see who you really are. Here is a secret I have learned. I will share it with you, because you can put it into practice today.
When we make our life, our marriage, our relationships about the one we are with and no longer about ourselves, we change and in doing so we start changing our perspective on everything. Did you get that, when we make our relationships about ourselves, it will fail as it may be now. But when we start making it about the one we are with, wow amazing things will happen. We are afraid to take hard steps, but in doing so we start walking forward. What about the kids you have, guess what they will see changes as well, because no longer is about causing stress it is now working to uliminate it.
Your partner will wonder, but be to afraid to ask, because they will not want it to go back the way it was and know what given time, it may change their perspective as well.
I urge you not to wait to find it out the hard way, not to go through your wife our husband leaving, because you made marriage about yourself, your job, things more important then them, isn't it time we start putting the ones we say "I love you" to, first?
My saying "it is not all about me". No longer can it be about you, today chose to learn more about the one you are with. Start asking questions, taking time for each other. Have a game night, a date night, a vacation fund, take time away from the TV to be funny, take a walk, take a free class together. TV is about losing ones self and life is about living. Today make a choice to live for the one you say you love, your husband or wife, your kids. Learn communication together, stop putting it off, tomorrow never comes, but today is here. Why wait?
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