Rushing

I have found in life we want to rush everything, fast food, the mail, growing up and the list goes on. I rushed into my second marriage instead of taking the time that was needed to grow our friendship, to grow who we were and to just grow and heal. I wanted things one way and that was to rush them.

I have found over the last year that somethings are worth waiting for, the more I want to run, the more I fall flat on my face, it is through patience and waiting that great things will happen. I can't plan what they are, but I do know that in time why I have waited will be shown. The process of learning this has not been easy, in fact it has been hell. Like a child learning to walk, they try and try again, falling and trying again, they don't give up and neither should we.

Have you fallen flat on your face? Have you gotten back up? Sometimes falling is not the hard part, it is the getting back up. But once you stand, learn and grow, make sure you don't fall the same way, because now is your chance to learn, it is your choice. Do you want to continue to walk the same path or is it time to learn from our mistakes? I wanted to learn, grow and change. That is what I have done, yes I stumble and yes I fall, but it is how I stand and learn that makes that fall a lesson.

Today remember we all fall, we all struggle, but it isn't the fall, it is how we stand up that makes a difference. Are you going to walk/run that path that caused you to stumble or today are you going to learn from your falls?

Some Key Notes

It's not "all or nothing". Winning a war is a process that is the sum total of many smaller battles; some lost but most won.

"Getting down" on yourself after falls leads only to a vicious cycle of sadness, acting out, and more sadness. The first step to breaking free is to start to view yourself in a positive light and to keep an upbeat attitude no matter what.

Some thoughts to think about today. We tend to focus on what others say to us, we base who we are on what others want or think, instead of seeing us for ourselves. Look in the mirror, what do you see?

Sex and Love

Did I get your attention with that title? I have been thinking how to write this and have it mean anything to anyone.

I hate admitting this, but I was wrong in the past, I thought sex and love went hand in hand. I couldn't see how you could love and not have sex. I thought that sex was connected to love and visa-versa. I was wrong in a matter of speaking.

First comes love, how many times have you heard, I want to try it before I buy it, or before I know it is love. Have you heard that? How about this, have you said it? Hard question and maybe even a harder answer.

To love someone we learn everything about that person, their likes, dislikes, their ways and things they enjoy. We have forgotten that friendship comes first, then love and eventually sex, when we mix those things up, we end up with problems. If we put sex before everything we fall for the person because of the connection thru sex, but what happens when the sex isn't happening? It is so important that you build your relationships on a foundation, building blocks. One block at a time, you don't have to build quickly, just take your time. The more you work at building the foundation the strong the house will be.

We fall in love with a person, not the actions, not the sex, but with the person, who they are, because sometimes we may not feel like loving them, but when they are our best friend we rely on them, we stand with them, they are our strength when we are weak, they will help guide us, support us and they will encourage us. We have forgotten how to build foundations, even after the house is built, the foundation is not over, we need to continue to build, repair and nurture each other. This is so important, but we have forgotten this step.

Did you hear all of that? I know I failed in every area I have written about. I based a relationship on sex alone and it crumbled, then I tried to fall in love and I missed the whole best friend part and of course I mixed sex in their and when it crumbled I had nothing to fall back on. These choices I made set into motion where I find myself today. I write to you my experiences in hopes to pass on what I didn't learn. I pray one day I can do it right, but until then I will continue to share.

May you take today and start rebuilding, repairing the foundations of your relationship, it isn't to late, one block at a time. Soon you will see that friendship and love and sex is just an amazing benefit of a incredible house you have built together. Take your time, learn, grow and learn more.

Thoughts for Wednesday

Our Lives

 

Today I don't have any awe inspiring stories to tell you. I don't have any amazing surprises up my sleeve, or anything like that. I have thought long and hard about what to share with you today, but no great words have come to me, nothing but all the usual stuff.

 

I want to take a second to recap with all that I have talked to you about over the last month.

 

The Key points:

• Guard your hearts, for what you put into them, you will get out of them.
• You need to guide your hearts, our hearts want what feels good and sometimes what we are going through does not feel good, but it is growth in our relationships.
• Things do not happen over night, it is a slow fade, each little step we take away from what we believe is a step further away from where we want to be.
• Change our focus (perspective) and the struggles we are facing may be easier to understand.
• Everything happens for a reason, we may not know what it is when it happens, but in time we will see the reason for it.
• Don't give up, when things get difficult, don't look at the circumstances, look at the prize, for the circumstances will always try to trip you up, but the prize is what is waiting for you. Set a goal to reach it.
• Take each day one day at a time.
• Today is the first day of the rest of your life.
• Love is more then a 4 letter word. To love we must live, to live we learn how to love.
• Love is putting the ones we say we love first.
• Unconditional love, means a love with no conditions.
• To live positively, is to live in realizing bad things will happen, but it is how we deal with them that makes us different from others.
• If we let others between our partners and ourselves, we will bread doubt and more. You are with the person you love for a reason, don't let anyone come between you. We must put them first in all we do. When you ask this question, what would XXXXXX think of what I am doing now? If it is a bad response, you should turn from that action and continue to run from it. That is one of the meanings of LOVE.

Those are some of the thoughts from the last month. Maybe some of the bigger ones. Don't surrender to what others say. Make sure your heart, mind and soul align.

One last point, we all fail, but it is what we do with the failure that makes the difference. Do we learn from it and grow, or do we do it over and over again?





Storms

This morning as I got ready to go to work, I could hear the thunder rolling in. It was quite loud and very intense. I got my things ready and headed out the door. I had set a goal to make it to work and that is what I intended to do. The rain began to fall as I walked to my car, the thunder still rolling and the darkness surrounded me. It was a strange darkness, it seemed to absorb the light, making it seem that much more dark. As I got into my car, now dripping from the rain, I prepared for the trip in, generally it takes me about 45 minutes, but I knew today would be different, because of all that was happening around me.

I finally left the parking lot and got on the road, the rain was coming down even harder now, it hit the road, my head lights seemed to be absorbed into the darkness and the rain, not being able to see to far in front of me, but the lightening that lit up the skies and the lightening was moving from cloud to cloud and streaks to the ground, it was quite the amazing sight. As I left the town I live in, I saw that the roads were covered in water, the rain dancing on the surface and sheets of rain coming down, it was an awe inspiring moment, but one I had a choice to make. I could sit and wait it out, or I could continue on my way. Cars ahead and behind me were moving at slow pace, but they were moving. I continue to move forward and making my way to my goal. I wasn't going to let the storm that was full of power and might, it wasn't going to stop me.

I continued to drive, the storm let up a little and then with all the power it had left, it rained down on me, raining so hard it was almost to difficult to see, the rain and hale that came forth was amazing, the storm waged around me, but instead of giving up and saying that it was to dangerous and turning back, I pushed on, the winds whipped the rains and the darkness just made me feel like their was no way out, just encompassing me into a pit of wondering if it would end.

The rain let up and soon I was driving towards an area not dark and miserable, but the light was shining through the clouds, I could see my way even through the rain.

I realized how much our lives are like that storm, we face odds that don't make sense to us, we get hit with high winds, rain and darkness and can't seem to find our way, but I believe the key to it all is to have a goal a destination a prize to focus on. As soon as we take our eyes from the prize we see the rain, the darkness that surrounds us, we lose hope, the fear of wondering if it will ever stop sets in. We think we want to turn back and not reach the prize because the storm is to big, to powerful, to much.

Today I urge you not to take your eyes off the prize, continue working towards that prize whether it be a relationship, a stronger marriage, your kids and the list goes on. The storms will come, the bridges will come to promise shelter for a time, but if we take shelter to long, we don't learn that we can make it, that through the struggles that we can press forward. Don't give up, it is easy to grow tired and weary and focus on the all the darkness, but you will come out of the storm stronger still if you focus on the prize. Don't lose hope, for today is a new day and in this day there is hope for so much more.

On a lighter note

A few weeks ago, my son and I went creek walking. He found crayfish swimming around in the water and he begged me to let him bring them home. I told him, if he did the research we could set up a fish tank and have the crayfish. We created a very cheap fish tank, consisting of many hand picked rocks, gravel from a recently oiled road and we had a black and white fish tank. At least that is what he called it.

We caught 3 crayfish and brought them home. Put them into this new tank all ready for them. It was has been fun watching them interact with each other and we thought the smallest of the three had died. This weekend upon cleaning out the tank and putting the rocks in a new pattern, we found that we still had three living cray fish.

This morning, I got up and did my daily routine, as I walked out of my bedroom, I saw this brown thing where their shouldn't have been anything. As I looked closer I found that one of our crayfish had escaped the confinment of the tank, gotten 3 feet down and 10 feet away from the tank. Suprisingly it was still alive, I am still not sure if it will continue to live, but I captured it and put it back into the tank. I put a cover over where I think it escaped from, and I hope I do not have to go on a crayfish hunt when I get home from work.

Talk about a different way to wake up in the morning, not what I was expecting to do, I am just thankful I did not step on it.

Life In the Rear View Mirror

This morning as I left from it was very dark out, as I drove west I was able to watch the sky change behind me. It went from a dark color to a dark blue and continued to change. A chill swept through me, it was incredible to watch the sky change, each color was incredible. Soon the sky was a dark orange, full of power and passion for a new day. This day day is Monday, but just because it is Monday it doesn't have to cloud the incredible sights and choices we have made.

As I watched the sunrise in my rear view mirror it got me to thinking about the things I have said in days past. About looking at today for what it is, yesterday is gone and today is a new day. I have to wonder if all of that is 100% accurate, because their are choices that I made yesterday that give me strength today and so forgetting yesterday isn't quite right. We need to remember the choices that we have made in the rear view mirror, but see them for what they are. They are a fuel that will carry us through, they will help define us for today and help us see the truth.

Our minds will try to show us things of the past as all good. If you remember back to your school days, you tend not to remember all the fights and struggles you had, but you remember it as fun and good. Or your first relationship, you so want to be with that person again. Remember that, it doesn't matter if they tried to kill you or not, but our minds tend to forget the bad things and remember only the good things. We have to remember things how they actually were, not how we think they were. We need to listen to our hearts, mind and soul. The soul will carry the marks of the past, it will carry the pains the hurts and everything else, we need to remember to listen to all three, not just our hearts that want to feel again.

When we look in the rear view mirror remember that we need to look with the intent of seeing things how they are. We may see them as closer then they may appear, or further away, but we need to keep the accurate account of how our heart, brain and soul actually saw them, or history will repeat itself. The only way to change history, is to learn from it, not repeat it.

Today, look at yesterday as a fuel for today. You made it, if you look back see the beautiful choices you made and the rest can go away. Know that today you can do it and believe in the choices you make daily.

Have a wonderful day.

Struggles

Last night I fought with the feelings of not knowing, struggling to find the true meaning of waiting, not clear on what and why. I struggled and fought with all the thoughts that surrounded me, the doubt and pain enveloped me and soon I was lost in despair. The thoughts of not knowing really took hold and that is when I realized once again, that I may not know tomorrow, but it is faith that brings me through.

We need to believe in something, but that belief can't be changing on Sundays, it needs to be every single day. It can't just be when it is easy, it has to be even in the difficult that we believe. I have found that in our lives when things get difficult we want to run. But the answers will come to those who wait, those that endure, those that suffer the pains and the hurts. We will see the truth that awaits us. Maybe the times will not be full of pain, but when we surrender we will know that our foundations are being built, our roots are sinking deep and when storms come (and they will) you will endure and you will make and be stronger for it.

It is time to see that even in the pains, that we are growing and changing. Yes, you are changing, learning and moving forward.