One more quote :)

Keep away from those who try to belittle your ambitions. Small people always do that, but the really great make you believe that you too can become great. - Mark Twain

A thought for tonight

A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are. - Unknown

Repeat Lessons

I have found that in my life when I write about something or talk to someone about a lesson I have learned, I get tested on that very thing to make sure I get it right. Does that ever happen to you? It is amazing the very thing we think we have overcome will come back and test us until we get it.

Take for example me, I say be thankful in everything, look at the positive, but then when confronted with a impossible task, I think about all the reasons it will not work. The truth was there is no task that is impossible if you believe you can accomplish it. The choices are ours to make, but yet we are afraid of making them. We can come up with more reasons why it will not work, when if we just buckle down and do them, then nothing will get in the way except for our unbelief that we can actually do it. This weekend I have been working on the job from hell and it has tested me time and time again. It would be so easy just to throw in the towel, but it isn't about giving up, it is about pressing forward and being positive while pressing forward. The darkest nights are always followed by the sun coming up.

If you are going through a dark time, the sun will come up. There is hope it is there, but you have to chose to see it. Do you believe that? I do I have been presented with many things that I said would not happen and I have seen the impossible become possible. I have seen the darkest of times become the brightest, I have seen the saddest people find joy, they just chose to see that there is happiness even in the rain, there is joy even when life seems to be taking everything away. It helps to change our perspective and see life not for what we have lost, but that we have life.

I chose to see that there is life, I don't know what it holds, but for today I know that it has been a good day despite everything, because today I got to see the sunrise and tonight I get to see the sunset. I just hope that you have been able to see the joy of life even in the mystery of what is to come.

Focus

Today I wasn't going to write anything, because I have a busy day planned, but as I wrote my wife an e-mail this morning a thought popped into my head.

When I was working for this guy last summer, I would call him on the weekend and ask him if he wanted me on Monday. He would say Geoff I only plan 8 hours at a time. Back then I thought he was crazy, looking only 8 hours at a time. I remember commenting on it several times about how could someone only look 8 hours at a time. He would just laugh at me when I would say anything and say I should try it.

I look back at his words and realize the more we try and think about tomorrow the more stress and worry it brings, what we have right now is today. We don't know what tomorrow will hold, but we can plan for today, 8 hours at a time.

Today don't look at tomorrow, look at the next 8 hours and be thankful you have them. Don't cross the bridge until you get their and the water under the bridge has already gone by. What you focus on, plan for is the next 8 hours. Just one step at a time. You will reduce stress, worry and doubt. You will also be able to focus.

Our brains/minds want to jump to tomorrow, add conflict and stress, but you need to focus on the task at hand. Don't let your mind control you, today start looking only at today. It is time for change and it will begin with you.

If you look back at the past, so many people came up with sayings about looking only at today, but we didn't listen. Look at today and see what is their for you. You will be able to see the sunrise and sunset and not worry about tomorrow, because it isn't here, but today is.

Enjoy your day and focus only on the next 8 hours, see how it changes you.

My Game of Life (I can't figure a title...)

It is so easy to play games, so easy to be stuck in yesterday, in the things of what was, instead of seeing life changing. Along the same lines of being stuck in the past, it is easy to play the "IF" game. IE: If I had made a right turn instead of taking left path, I would be in the right place.. What if my wife doesn't love me... If I wasn't married I would love to be... If only I had done it this way... Have you ever said any of that?

I remember my first marriage, when time passed, I changed. My wife would say to me, why did you change Geoff, you said you where not going to. Now granted, I changed many things about myself that were not good, but some other things that were good. I look back and think about that now and there are so many things that strike me about that comment, why do we change?

Change is a daily occurrence, we look at life and everything is changing around us, we learn, grow and adapt. Some people think that is our way of evolution and some just see that everything is in constant change. Our minds have trouble understanding the very thought of constant change, but if we look at ourselves and even though we may not know it, our hair is growing (if you have any), our nails continue to grow, but we don't see it, just because we don't see something, doesn't mean it isn't happening. Let me dive further into that comment...

In relationships, we do not see the effects that is happening, but it does happen continuously. Lets start simple, when first together we don't see the other persons faults/flaws, but as time goes by the changes become more aware to us. We start seeing them not as they were, but as they are. Does that mean we do not love them? No, it means our love for them has to change as well. We have a hard time grasping the concept that just as we change other things have to change as well. When love change does that mean we love them less, no it means that we love them more and more deeply. The flaws and faults aren't bad, they just mean that is something else to love about them. We tend to want to justify our actions, for example: If married or in a relationship we start a friendship with the opposite sex, we build that friendship and a bond forms. That bond becomes very dangerous when we hide it from our partner. We start to make it seem OK, we are changing our way of thinking. We start making exceptions and when one makes one exception to the rule, it is easy to continue to make more, soon we are lost and confused. Have you ever felt lost and not knowing if you love the one you are with? If you have, follow the crumb trail and you will see how it started, you will see the pattern.

With change, we have to rule the changes that happen in our own life. Back to the story about my first wife. When I started to change, I made compromises. I took it one little step at a time away from the way I said I would be. One step was hiding the fact that I smoked from her, then the steps continued, it started off small, but grew each step was easier and easier to take because I allowed the first one. Soon it was looking at porn, then talking to women, and I continued to walk down the road and soon there was no return. It is just like telling one white lie, have you noticed how they grow?

Yes, you are right maybe this is only me, but this is not a blog about you, it is the lessons I have learned. I did say maybe what I have gone through will not be the same as you and so if different, please do not be mad, just explaining how the little easy steps can lead to the big ones.

WORDS

I saw a movie a while back about the words we speak, maybe you have seen it too, it was called "A Thousand Words". He had spun so many lies and talked so much that he was only able to say 1000 meaningful words.

This morning on my way to work, I was thinking about how we all use words every single day, some of us more words then others. I have an issue with talking, sometimes I talk way to much, maybe my e-mails are extra wordy, or I speak before thinking, I do have an issue and as I have said it is a constant work to pause before I speak. To think before I say something stupid. I still say stupid things, even after I write them down, sometimes it is easy to get caught in the moment instead of thinking through everything.

Do your words match your action, do you say things without thinking? Do you react out of anger? These are all important questions to ask yourself. Do you use words you do know what they mean? I work on trying to understand the words I use and if I don't know a word or the meaning, I now google it, just to make sure I know the meaning.

I work on making sure my words now match up to my actions, that I do not hide behind words, that I understand what I am saying and I want to make sure that my words do not bring death and destruction, but life and hope. How many times have you used the word "Love" do you know the true meaning behind it? There is so much more to that word then most people realize, but it is misused every single day. I thought I knew the meaning for that word and then I was taught the meaning of it. It is an act of sacrifice, surrender and so much more.

Today I want to challenge you to think about the words you say, about the words you type, may they not just be words on a page, or words coming out of you mouth, may they be words with meaning, words that bring life and not death. If you are married, work today not to say anything negative and if you have nothing positive to say, don't say anything at all. These challenges may seem simple, but go a day without hurting someone with your words, with your actions and you will see that it is possible.

Take a moment and listen to the words you speak, listen to what you say and believe that if you say the words, that you do believe what you are saying. Today is the first day of the rest of your life, what are you going to do today to set this day apart from the others days that have gone by. Today it is a day about learning how our words affect others. How our words make us look. Do you want to be the person that you where intended to be, or do you just want to float through life and if it feels good then do it? I want my words to have meaning, when I tell someone that they are appreciated, I want that to mean something and when we say we care, that needs to mean that we care so much. When someone is going through a hard time, are you saying things you don't mean? Don't just say words to make others feel good, say them only because you mean them.

Today the challenge is maybe to large, but try it out. Avoid being negative towards people and yourself, if you have nothing good to say, don't say it. Work on avoiding just saying words to say them, let your words speak for what you believe and if you don't believe in what you are saying do not say it. Is that a hard challenge?

(if there are spelling errors, my spell check is saying it will not work, for some reason, darn computers. )

Favorite Quote

You are more than the choices that you've made,
You are more than the sum of your past mistakes,
You are more than the problems you create.
by Tenth Avenue North
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For it was not into my ears you whispered,
but into my heart.
It was no my lips you kissed,
but my soul.
By Judy Garland
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Just so you know, there's a spot that only you can fill.
Just so you know, I loved you then, and I always will.
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Every man is afraid of something.
That's how you know he's in love with you;
when he is afraid of losing you.
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Love is not blind; it simply enables one to see things others fail to see.
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The future for me is already a thing of the past -You were my first love and you will be my last.

Important People

It is so easy to take the life we have for granted, to squander away everything, nope not just money, but the people closes to us. We go through life expecting things and we expect that the people we rely on will be their tomorrow as well. Maybe this isn't you, maybe you don't have anyone close to you, but if you do, take a moment today and let them know, because you do not know when that person will not be around anymore.

Today is an appreciatation day.

Junk Mail

Everyday in our e-mail accounts we get spam, in our mailboxes at our homes we get more junk mail and it is amazing to see how we filter it right into the garbage. Same with our e-mail, we send it right to the trash, well at least I do, do you look at it?

In life what is your junk filter? Do you have one, garbage in and garbage out. What we put into our bodies is what we are, so if we are eating junk all the time we will not be the healthiest of people. Same with if we are listing to junk on the TV/Radio we fill our brains with garbage, garbage in and garbage out. Do you see where I am going with this? Same thing goes with the junk advice we receive from friends or so called friends, what we chose to listen to we tend to act upon. Have you ever noticed it is easy to spin something into something really terrible and the more we talk about it the worse it gets? Soon our thoughts are focused on how terrible things are, instead of the action it takes to get out of that. Garbage in, garbage out.

Since I am a man, I have noticed that we can spin things to make it look so good. If you are a man reading this, I am guessing you know what I am talking about. If you are a woman, I am sure you have heard that line over and over again. When things are not good at home, it is quick to receive all the junk mail from outside the situation, instead of filtering it, if we listen to it, we tend to get lost in all the junk and soon garbage is coming out. Have you found that our junk mail filters need to be turned on at all times, we have to watch who we listen to and we need that sound advice. We not only need the filter on the incoming items, but also a filter for the out going items. I was challenged by one of my teachers, he said "Geoff, I want you to try something, before talking wait 5 to 10 seconds, think through what you are going to say and then talk." I laughed at him, because I thought it would make me look stupid, but the more I do that the more I think about my words, I think about how to say them and I think through the impact they will have on others. Now, I will be the first to admit, I am not a pro at that and sometimes my words get ahead of my thoughts and then I put my foot so far down my throat, I choke...

I challenge anyone reading this today, it is time to create a mental junk filter. It is time to stop excepting the spams of life, the things that offer happiness and everything else in place of the struggles of life. Every relationship will have struggles, it will have hard times. But we have to be careful who we listen to, because those hard times can get even harder. It is time we create filters for ourselves and see the junk for what it is, before it takes us down paths that we can't get away from.

It is high time we set a standard for ourselves to live by. Stop being a leaf in the wind go from this feeling to the next and start becoming a Oak and sinking your roots in deep. When the storms come, then instead of being tossed around, you will be grounded. Turn the junk filters on, sink your roots in and filter out all the junk and only allow good and solid messages to come in.

The Blame Game

When you were growing up, did you have brothers and/or sisters? Did you play the blame game with them and your parents? It was easy to point the finger and say no it wasn't me, it was her. As you grew up have you found yourself still playing that game? It may happen at work, but more times it happens in your marriage, in your relationship.

I was thinking how easy at work it is to point the finger, in marriage to point the finger and by doing this we are avoiding taking the responsibility of our own actions, of our own mistakes and we are passing them onto someone else. It would be easy for me to blame my father for how I am, because he did not raise me, didn't show me what a father was like, or what a marriage should be like, but what would I learn from that. I could blame my mother, because maybe she wasn't there when I needed her most, but really it is my responsiblity to take the actions that are needed to be who I am. The choices I make, the place in life I am today is not about what others did, it was about my choices. Have you ever used the statement, if my "wife/husband" or "boyfriend/girlfriend" would do this, then it would be better? I have done it, more times then I would like to admit.

Isn't it time we stop pointing fingers and realize we are adults and that our choices are what we make of them. Stop pointing the finger and blaming others for the choices you make. I have had to learn that I can't put the blame on anyone else, because then I have 10 fingers pointing right back at me. It is time that we realize that the change you are looking for starts with you.

Have you noticed the things that annoy us about another person is generally area's we need to deal with in ourselves? Change starts with you.

If you want more communication, sometimes it takes engaging into conversation, each day take a topic and discuss it. Sometimes it may be a battle, but maybe instead of having the TV on, enjoy some quality time together. Set aside sometime. Maybe it is time to share a book, read it together and discuss it. Change has to start somewhere and the area's that are lacking, learn how to engage how to deal with your partner, it is time for us to be different, it is time.

I think I said it already, but CHANGE STARTS WITH YOU, you can't change your partner, but you can change yourself, by you changing, the changes you may see can be amazing, but don't say you have tried it, if you only tried for a day or a week. Look how long it took to get this way and realize that most changes do not happen over night. Realize if you want it, believe it, walk it, live it and except the time it will take. Don't give up, for if you want something bad enough you strive for it, you work for it and one step at a time and you will have it.

Who do you seek for advice

I am writing this because of all the things I have seen and I have heard and because I am at fault for this as well.

When you have a medical question about your kids, who do you go to? We go to their doctor, to the person who knows the most. When we have a problem with our physical bodies, we go to the doctor to find the answer. When we have a problem in our relationship, our marriage who is the first person you run to? Now you see where I am going with this. It is so easy to admit our physical needs to a doctor, it is easy to say we need to find out about this cough, or why I don't feel well, but when it comes to our mental issues, we think only crazy people go seek help. How many people do you know that are married? How many of those people actually work on their marriages? When they have an issue do they go run to their friends, or do they go to someone that can actually give them sound advice?

We tend to run to our friends, men you run to women to get advice about things in your marriage. Women you run to men, because we think that maybe the other sex has the answer. Maybe it is because we want to hear about how they will not treat us like that, or maybe it is just to feel comfort from the party that you feel the most hurt from. I don't know the reasoning behind it, but that is what I have seen happen. When a lack is felt, at least for me, I saw a need to fill it, but in doing so we create a bond with the person we open up to. A mental connection can be dangerous, because the more time we spend talking with that person about our lives, the more we bond with them, the more we bond the more we feel our hearts straying from the truth of our relationship. Soon the other person is telling you that you can do better then the person you are with and we get lost, we can't seem to see through the clouds, the doubt, the fears and all the other junk. They say the more time you spend with someone the more the bond forms, it is time to look at ourselves and see the truth. Where you put your time and money into, is where your heart will lead you.

It is time to stop running to other people for the answers you seek. We seek medical advice from a doctor. Why not seek relationship advice not from someone that has been hurt in a relationship, but lets seek the advice from a relationship doctor. Stop going outside, to have the answer that are right their. I thought it was a bad thing to seek help from a relationship doctor, but not anymore.

Some key notes I have learned and I will share with you:

1. When having issues in a relationship, it is time to stand up and deal with them like we deal with medical issues. We seek a competent person, not someone that will lead your heart away from the one you are with.
2. If seeking help from a friend, remember where you time and money goes is where your heart will go.
3. Build the bond with the one you are with, because even in the fears of connection, no connection is much worse, start small one step at a time and realize it will take time.
4. Don't put down time lines and say if this isn't fixed by this date I am gone, each of us work at a different pace, take your time and realize change will happen if you believe, but change starts with you.

Maybe I am not the best person to be writing this, but we need to stop looking elsewhere for the answer and start seeing the correct people. Men I have heard it time and time again, that you can talk with a woman easier then a man, guess what then talk to your wives, to your girlfriends and stop looking elsewhere... Women, if you can talk to men easier then women, talk to the man you are with, I know it isn't that simple for either of you, but change starts with each one of us. Take a moment and connect with the one you are with. No not in the bed, it is time to start building friendship, talk about issues, be open and honest, just one step at a time.

What are you afraid of? My wife use to say, what are they going to do, take away your birthday? You relationship is already having issues, do something about it, stop running and hiding in other people company, start dealing with it. It is time you take the first step, because that step begins with you.

Our View on Life

I was thinking tonight about my view on life. It is so easy to get lost in the past, to think of days gone by. It is easy wishing that those days were here today, but then I realize if I hadn't gone through the pains, through the loss, through the negative, that I wouldn't be here today.

We go through things in life to make us who we are. Some people come out of the hardships and see that the past was there to make them who they are today. Others can't seem to let go of the past to move to today. Some people are just lost and can't find their way. I was lost in my own torment, I am by no means perfect, I struggle each day to know the meaning of life, but then I come to my senses and realize that life isn't about what was, but about what is and it is about what we make it.

Yes, I want more in life, but I realize that everything happens for a reason. Every path we cross, there is a connections and in the connections that we make whether deep or on the surface there is a meaning for them. We may not know what it is, but each day will reveal a knew piece of the puzzle, each day that we press forward we will see more. It isn't about giving up, for you know your heart, you know what you believe and you know that life even though a struggle it is worth so much more.

Today is a new day, today is your choice to make it something or to hide. I have seen more people hiding then living. We hide behind happy masks, behind masks of knowing, we hide to avoid people, we hide behind busy schedules and even in the hiding we find that the one person we can not hide from is ourselves. Isn't it time we take the steps to move forward, not for others, not for our kids, but for ourselves, because before we can help others we have to be defined, we have to care about who we are, we have to love ourselves and in loving ourselves we learn to love and to feel love, we learn so much more. It is in surrendering to our very pain that will allow us to except it and let it go.

Today is the first step and in order to take it you need to want a change. It is your choice and even in the choices, it may not be easy, but is life easy now? Do you want more? It is a daily commitment and a daily choice. Are you willing to make that choice? Today it starts with you. Change starts with you.

Living Life in the Negative

Just the title of the post sums up how we can turn things that could be positive into negative. Really I should have titled the post living life in the positive, but would you have wanted to read it?

I use to live my life in the negative, thinking that everything bad was going to happen to me. I use to think my wife was going to cheat on me, I thought she was going to leave me, I thought a lot of terrible things. Can you imagine how that must have made her feel. We don't look at it from the others perspective when we are walking through life in the negative. I found myself hating myself for how I looked, my wife would always tell me that I looked good, but when I looked in the mirror I did not see that. I was unable to see anything for the positive it was and I look back and wonder if my negativity drove a wedge between my wife and I. Let me explain more...

Our negativity burdens people into thinking that maybe he doesn't trust me, if he can't trust himself or believe in himself how can he believe in me. How can he lead or even follow if he can't think anything positive. Our brains maybe have been programmed into thinking in the negative. You listen to the radio or watch TV and a lot of advertisement is based on negative ads. They do not build people up they tear them down. It is easy to get lost in the negative words, how many times a day do you say "Never" or "forever" by using words you introduce doubt and fear. We base our lives our choices on doubt and fear daily. If you have said you will never do something, how many times have you ended up doing it? We build ourselves up for failure, by the words we say, by our actions, by our outlook on life.

What was that?

How do you change your thought process? You change your thought process through choices, through steps to stop living in negative thoughts. Instead of seeing a rainy day as a waste, see it as a gain, you get to do work inside. You get to bond with your family or you get to go dance in the rain. Family is in bad health, you can look at it as a terrible thing, or you can see that know what you have to enjoy your family when they are with us. We have no idea what tomorrow will bring, but today you have life. Yes, I agree there are a few items that I do not see in the positive and those items you have to deal with and realize that it will take time. But it is how we deal with them that matters. We have a great deal to see as negative or we can see it as a blessing. It is time to change your perspective and see the blessing that have come out of the curses.

I don't know what you are thinking, maybe it is easy for me to say this all. We can chose joy or we can chose to be miserable. My life has been full of ups and downs and joy and pain, but in the past year I have seen that I can't live for the past, but I have to live for the day it is. One step at a time, one day at a time. I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I do know what today has right now.