It is so easy to play games, so easy to be stuck in yesterday, in the things of what was, instead of seeing life changing. Along the same lines of being stuck in the past, it is easy to play the "IF" game. IE: If I had made a right turn instead of taking left path, I would be in the right place.. What if my wife doesn't love me... If I wasn't married I would love to be... If only I had done it this way... Have you ever said any of that?
I remember my first marriage, when time passed, I changed. My wife would say to me, why did you change Geoff, you said you where not going to. Now granted, I changed many things about myself that were not good, but some other things that were good. I look back and think about that now and there are so many things that strike me about that comment, why do we change?
Change is a daily occurrence, we look at life and everything is changing around us, we learn, grow and adapt. Some people think that is our way of evolution and some just see that everything is in constant change. Our minds have trouble understanding the very thought of constant change, but if we look at ourselves and even though we may not know it, our hair is growing (if you have any), our nails continue to grow, but we don't see it, just because we don't see something, doesn't mean it isn't happening. Let me dive further into that comment...
In relationships, we do not see the effects that is happening, but it does happen continuously. Lets start simple, when first together we don't see the other persons faults/flaws, but as time goes by the changes become more aware to us. We start seeing them not as they were, but as they are. Does that mean we do not love them? No, it means our love for them has to change as well. We have a hard time grasping the concept that just as we change other things have to change as well. When love change does that mean we love them less, no it means that we love them more and more deeply. The flaws and faults aren't bad, they just mean that is something else to love about them. We tend to want to justify our actions, for example: If married or in a relationship we start a friendship with the opposite sex, we build that friendship and a bond forms. That bond becomes very dangerous when we hide it from our partner. We start to make it seem OK, we are changing our way of thinking. We start making exceptions and when one makes one exception to the rule, it is easy to continue to make more, soon we are lost and confused. Have you ever felt lost and not knowing if you love the one you are with? If you have, follow the crumb trail and you will see how it started, you will see the pattern.
With change, we have to rule the changes that happen in our own life. Back to the story about my first wife. When I started to change, I made compromises. I took it one little step at a time away from the way I said I would be. One step was hiding the fact that I smoked from her, then the steps continued, it started off small, but grew each step was easier and easier to take because I allowed the first one. Soon it was looking at porn, then talking to women, and I continued to walk down the road and soon there was no return. It is just like telling one white lie, have you noticed how they grow?
Yes, you are right maybe this is only me, but this is not a blog about you, it is the lessons I have learned. I did say maybe what I have gone through will not be the same as you and so if different, please do not be mad, just explaining how the little easy steps can lead to the big ones.
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