Who do you seek for advice

I am writing this because of all the things I have seen and I have heard and because I am at fault for this as well.

When you have a medical question about your kids, who do you go to? We go to their doctor, to the person who knows the most. When we have a problem with our physical bodies, we go to the doctor to find the answer. When we have a problem in our relationship, our marriage who is the first person you run to? Now you see where I am going with this. It is so easy to admit our physical needs to a doctor, it is easy to say we need to find out about this cough, or why I don't feel well, but when it comes to our mental issues, we think only crazy people go seek help. How many people do you know that are married? How many of those people actually work on their marriages? When they have an issue do they go run to their friends, or do they go to someone that can actually give them sound advice?

We tend to run to our friends, men you run to women to get advice about things in your marriage. Women you run to men, because we think that maybe the other sex has the answer. Maybe it is because we want to hear about how they will not treat us like that, or maybe it is just to feel comfort from the party that you feel the most hurt from. I don't know the reasoning behind it, but that is what I have seen happen. When a lack is felt, at least for me, I saw a need to fill it, but in doing so we create a bond with the person we open up to. A mental connection can be dangerous, because the more time we spend talking with that person about our lives, the more we bond with them, the more we bond the more we feel our hearts straying from the truth of our relationship. Soon the other person is telling you that you can do better then the person you are with and we get lost, we can't seem to see through the clouds, the doubt, the fears and all the other junk. They say the more time you spend with someone the more the bond forms, it is time to look at ourselves and see the truth. Where you put your time and money into, is where your heart will lead you.

It is time to stop running to other people for the answers you seek. We seek medical advice from a doctor. Why not seek relationship advice not from someone that has been hurt in a relationship, but lets seek the advice from a relationship doctor. Stop going outside, to have the answer that are right their. I thought it was a bad thing to seek help from a relationship doctor, but not anymore.

Some key notes I have learned and I will share with you:

1. When having issues in a relationship, it is time to stand up and deal with them like we deal with medical issues. We seek a competent person, not someone that will lead your heart away from the one you are with.
2. If seeking help from a friend, remember where you time and money goes is where your heart will go.
3. Build the bond with the one you are with, because even in the fears of connection, no connection is much worse, start small one step at a time and realize it will take time.
4. Don't put down time lines and say if this isn't fixed by this date I am gone, each of us work at a different pace, take your time and realize change will happen if you believe, but change starts with you.

Maybe I am not the best person to be writing this, but we need to stop looking elsewhere for the answer and start seeing the correct people. Men I have heard it time and time again, that you can talk with a woman easier then a man, guess what then talk to your wives, to your girlfriends and stop looking elsewhere... Women, if you can talk to men easier then women, talk to the man you are with, I know it isn't that simple for either of you, but change starts with each one of us. Take a moment and connect with the one you are with. No not in the bed, it is time to start building friendship, talk about issues, be open and honest, just one step at a time.

What are you afraid of? My wife use to say, what are they going to do, take away your birthday? You relationship is already having issues, do something about it, stop running and hiding in other people company, start dealing with it. It is time you take the first step, because that step begins with you.