Changing

Change starts with you!!!

• Have you ever noticed when you look at others you can find fault with everything they are doing?
• Have you looked at your relationship and seen so many ways you wish that your significant other would change, or would be better?

You are not alone, but the problem comes in, you are not responsible for them changing, nor can you ask them to change, because know what even though they are you significant other, they are their own person. Who needs to really change? It is you, it is me, we can find fault with others so easy, but when we look at how we handle things we fail to see that if we would change, that they may change as well.

If you take marriage for example, we want more of this or that, but instead of saying the good we see we are so quick to point out the bad. Change your perspective on all of this and start seeing the good that your significant others has. Thank you or I appreciates go so much further then you did this wrong. We build up walls to the people we say we love, because we get tired of hearing the negative, so we fight with negative words, with negative actions and we do not build the person up, we are quicker to tear them down.

Today is not about tearing anyone down, but build them up. When a fight errupts, don't point fingers at them and say negative or hurtful things, make statements about yourself, I feel like this when you say that, I feel hurt when you we fight. Change the statements from pointing fingers to explaining your hurts, your frustration. Take a minute to think before you say anything and by doing so, you will learn communication. Lack of communication is a huge problem in marriages, in relationships acrossed the board. Learn to talk, not just with hateful words, but with encouraging words, with showing the one you are with that you appreciate them, for who they are.

Did you understand what I just said? Are you following me? We have forgotten how to be nice, we have forgotten how to not demand things, we have forgotten not to take things forgranted and know whos fault that is? No it is not your parents, nope not your girlfriends, nope not your kids, nor your wife or husband, the blame falls on you, it falls on me. It is time to stop looking to blame others and realize that change starts righ at home in your own life. Change yourself and you will change the situation, stop looking at blaming everyone else and see it is you that needs to change.

Doesn't that hurt hearing that? It is probably very difficult to hear and very hard to do, but it is possible and you can do it, guess what, even I can and continue to do it.

• Change yourself and by doing this, you will effectively change the way you look at things and you will change the people around you.
• Stop blaming others and start looking at yourself.
• Stop fighting with anger and start communicating how it feels to be you.
• Stop telling your significant other how to change and now you start changing.
• Live by example and remember "Treat others how you want to be treated."

Our Minds

I am not a psychologist, or a counselor, these are my thoughts based only on what I have learned in life by talking and experiencing life. Please do not hold my thoughts against me.

Have you ever noticed when we look back in life and we recall certain things that we remember them differently then they actually were. We seem to remember things as good not as bad as they once were. Our minds have a way of transforming our thoughts to make it seem like a rosy garden, not the garden full of weeds.

When we look back in life, it is hard to see the truth that once was. Yes in my past there where good times, but there was more bad time then good. In my former relationships all had struggles and my failures, but my mind wants me to only remember the good, or to even make up good in them. If you go back and try to live in the past, it is full of hurt and pain. The past needs to remain in the past, but what is here today is the present. We need to learn that we can't live in the past, that we can't think that yesterday will come back, because it is gone. If we want to avoid history repeating itself, we must learn from our past, remember it as it happened. We need to avoid the same pitfalls and see that life has a funny way of working out, but you need to take a minute and remember the past the way it really was instead of seeing it as you want to all the good and no pain.

Husbands and Wives

To all of you married or in a relationship, it is high time we start learning how to live and how to love together. I have heard so many people say, I feel like he is my brother, or she is my sister and they have lost the connection that they once shared. And they wonder what to do about it, or they have given up all together.

It is not time to give up, it is time to take action. You want more for your relationship, then stop looking elsewhere for it and start seeing that it is yours to have. Let me explain something that we tend not to see, or maybe because we forget, but our hearts love to feel. Am I right? We love the feeling of love, we love to the feeling of being excepted and we love it so much we were able to look past all the negative things about our spouse. Then once married a little while, we start seeing them, or we have others start pointing them out. First of all, your marriage, your relationship is yours. Time to stand up and deal with it. Back to my point, our hearts want to feel and so when it stops feeling we think that we don't love the other person, or that we didn't love them to begin with, that is not true. What we have is a problem that needs to be fixed.

Our hearts need to be lead by our minds. We need to take the situation and stop looking at all the bad, stop pointing out the things that our wives our husbands do not do, and start being thankful for all they do. The more we focus on the bad, the more bad will come. Change your focus, start out small, thank him or her for the way they held your hand, or the kiss you recieve in the morning. It is time to change our perspective. Men other women are not the answer, you will have the same issues you are seeing now, because you have to deal with the problem, the problem is not your wife, the problem started in you. And it does work both ways, I am not a woman.

It is time that we take marriage back, stop looking elsewhere for the answers and start looking at yourself. Do you know if you start changing yourself you will see a change in your spouse, in your mate and that bond that you want will begin to form. Stop looking at the negatives and start looking at the positives and change your focus daily.

The biggest thing I can say, is the answer does not lie in other men or women, it lies in you. Change your persepective and you change more things then you may know. Don't give up, it is time to ignite the flame.

Truth

In life we want to see the truth, we want to hear the truth, but yet we are so afraid of the truth. It says that the truth will set us free, but what does that really mean? I believe it is being honest with ourselves, we need to be truthful in all regards, in our heart, in our mind and in our soul.

Have you ever noticed that people wear masks to cover up their blemishes, there fears and hurts. By putting on a mask isn't being truthful. If you want to be free, you need to throw away all the masks; hiding will not bring you freedom, it will only bring you more fear and dispare. These kinds of changes are easy to write about, or even talk about, but when it comes right down to it, we want to run back to the protections of the masks that do not show us as we really are. We have built and believed so many lies, it is easy to become. It is only by being perfectly honest with yourself that you can walk free from the masks.

We become afraid that people will not like us without the masks, but yet we don't even try. We have learned how to wear these masks, but taking them off is hard to do. I want to urge you today to look at your life and look at the masks you wear. Is it time to start destroying them so you can find the true you, so you can be set free from the lies that are holding you back today.

Today is about freedom, you can walk in freedom today. It is time to be free from the lies that keep holding you back. Don't let the lies control your life anymore, for lies will only bring disaster, but truth will bring wholenss and life. Chose life today.

History

Have you ever heard the saying History repeats itself? It has been proven time and time again. It may not be the same way, but it kind of goes with the whole thing of insanity. We go to school and learn about the history and why is that? It is to avoid making the same mistakes that our past has made, to avoid trying the same things, to learn, and to grow. How many times have you had someone try and tell you something or have helped you in a difficult spot? Mine is countless. I think the hardest thing for me to hear these days is, well I have to learn things the hard way, that is the only way I will get it. Why do we have to learn the hard way? If we study history and we learn from the past, why do we have to retry things that have already been proven that they did not work? Is it because we are so stubborn that we want to learn that the stove is hot, or that doing drugs does end in destruction. Why do we continue to fight with the idea that we have to learn things the hard way? I was talking with someone today about how our hearts can lie to us. They said they have not experienced that and I must be wrong. I asked them why don't believe me, and they said they will have to go through it to find that out. I was shocked and a little upset, because we try and help people, but yet they don't want help, they want to learn things the hard way. Why do people even write books? Is there anyone out there that does not have to learn the hard way? Do we have to learn by going through it, or do we take history and learn from it? Maybe it is time for us to start the change, to get rid of the statement that we have to learn the hard way and start learning what history, what our parents, our friends, and others can show us, instead of going through the hard lessons on our own. Change starts right here with me. I will continue to try and learn things that others have taught me, not repeating the same mistakes others have made.

Image of ourselves

Have you ever heard of the statement, you are what you eat? And we know that to be true right. Now lets change that statement up; You are what you think. If you fill your mind with hateful thoughts, or thoughts of failure, you will be consumed into the idea that you are a failure, that your life sucks. Why not try and change that. If we are what we think, start thinking good thoughts about yourself. We are all changing every single day, but when we look at ourselves in the mirror, stop hating yourself and start excepting yourself for who you are. We all want to change our image, but what if by changing our thoughts about ourselves, we start seeing not what we hate, but what we except. It is a process and each step is like a staircase, we need to accomplish one task before moving up, yes the tasks get harder, but don't look at that, just take one step at a time. If you look back, only look back to see where you have come from and the distance you have traveled.

My weekend was full of life and joys. It is always interesting coming through the dark cloud and seeing what is on the other side. We all have dark days, but it is not dwelling in the darkness that surrounds us, but seeing that the darkness will pass and making sure it does pass.

The lessons I keep learning are very interesting. I have heard from more people that their husbands have forgotten how to be husbands. Men, I don't know how to reach out to you, how to get others to hear what I have to say. We all understand how to date, but once married we seem to lose our way. Why do we lose our way? Your wives need to be encouraged, to be remembered even when it isn't valentines day that you love them. It doesn't matter if you work every day, it doesn't matter that you come home to them, but what does matter is that you want to be apart of their lives. It is time for us men to start being men. Stop looking other places to be happy, be happy at home. Show your wives you love them, express to them that they are the most important person to you. It is time that we start putting them first no matter what.

We have lost our way. Valentines day is not the only day you show your wife love. Love is not expecting anything in return for your actions. Love is giving and not looking to get back. Love is putting your wife, girlfriend first and that is even before your feelings. Can you imagine the more you give to them, what that might do? Stop thinking of yourself and start thinking about her, stop thinking about what you will get back and start thinking about how much more you can give. We have become a selfish greedy people, only thinking of what we can do and what we want back, it is time to stop thinking about ourselves and thinking of others. It is time to stop looking to other women to make us happy and realize what is the most important person is right at home. How long will it take? Start today to make a difference.

Today is a new Valentines day, what will it take for you to do something special for your wife. Let her know you care. Listen to her, do the dishes, take a moment to make sure she knows you love her and by doing that you will see life and love again. It is time we flick the match and start the fires in our own relationships, stop looking elsewhere and start looking homeward. It is time we make a change and the change starts right here. Will you join with me today to make a difference?

Additional Thoughts

So many times we want to look to others for the answer we are searching for. Why isn't my wife loving me like she use to? Or why do we seems so disconnected? Do those sound familiar? Do you struggle to find why you think she isn't attracted to you, or she doesn't want sex anymore. You think of so many reasons why that could be and then you start thinking about looking elsewhere for what you are not getting at home, or you just give up. When those questions pop into your head, it is time to start looking at yourself, instead of looking elsewhere. What can you do to change who you are? The answers you seek are change your perspective and change yourself. It is time we start changing ourselves men, time to start seeing the problems do not lie in our wives, but the problem started in us, by us forgetting the very thing that we claimed was so important, start making it the most important again. Start cherishing her and loving her, start rekindling the flame that is out or dwindling. It isn't about sex, but about something much deeper and it starts with you.

Men it is time we start taking responsibility for our actions. Stop trying to blame it on our wives, stop trying to blame it on how we were raised and start taking a step back and look at yourself. I know I have had to do this too and I do it every day. What can I change in myself to be a better man, a better husband, a better father, a better friend, a better worker. It is time we start taking a stand for what we believe in and it starts in us, each of us have to be willing to change. Don't look to change others, before that can happen you have to change yourself. Are you willing to change? Change starts with you.