Failure

It seems that I have to learn the hard way for most things and again my learning was through my failure. A few weeks ago I had a very stressful week and I gave into the temptations of smoking once again. That wasn't the worst part of it, it was the accountability partner that I let down. See my girlfriend said she would be there for me, she said she would pray with me, but I didn't contact her, I allowed my own feelings to get in the way of what was the truth. I hid my failures from my girlfriend until today and in seeing the devastation I have caused I realize that ones sins can not remain hidden. I can't hide my struggles, I can't say I will deal with them myself and it was all because I thought it was better, but if I had been honest this could all be avoided.

Deception on any level is still deception, I hid the truth from her and I can't take that back. I can say I am sorry, but still she feels as if I could hide anything from her. You see how one little sin can cause a multitude of issues. My failure has cost me someone that I love and to say I love that means I trust and to say I trust that means I must tell the truth, even if I am struggling. I know what the bible says about a lying tongue and about deceit and it is so true.

I ask my readers forgiveness as I failed you as well by me preaching a good talk, but walking it is so difficult. It is much harder to stand, much easier to fall. I fell and I am sorry I fell. I know that struggles will come, but focusing on God, allowing the people who say they want to help, allow them to help. We can't do it alone and in this life we must allow others in. I didn't and I am paying for that. I don't want to do life alone.

I pray that you will learn from my mistakes, my failures and that you can avoid the same pitfalls as I seem to be struggling with them still. I want to stand, Lord help me to stand, help my failure to be a ministry to others to avoid the pitfalls of deceit and doubt. Let others learn from me as I don't want to fail at this again. Lord help me to live as an example, not as an example of what not to do. Lord teach me today through this and help me to walk this out with humility. In your name I pray Amen.

I thought through my having no struggles that made me strong, but it is actually allowing God in my struggles that makes me strong. It is seeking the help I need, asking for it and being willing to say I am weak, but you are strong. Paul went through this too and he realized even though he was weak, that God was strong. That though he may struggle, that God is stronger. It is allowing God in the struggles that made him who we read about, not because he had no struggles. We see this through the Bible, but for some reason I didn't see it. Though I may struggle, it is admitting that and allowing God. I don't know, but I do know God is in control, I need to let Him work. It is not my will but yours be done.