Rejection is a real thing, it hurts to be told the following excuses:
- I have a headache
- I am tired
- I am not in the mood
- Don't touch me
- I don't feel like it
- I am not comfortable with my body
- I don't want to be seen naked
All of these excuses cause the partner to feel rejection and rejection hits right to the core. These are truly excuses to a root problem and that is the truth, the more these excuses are used, the more the partner will think what have I done. That is where the rejection comes to play. You can tell someone they are not what you want, but making up a reason why you will not do the one thing that brings them together is the worst thing to do, because what else should your spouse feel? They want to honor your feelings, however when you have caused them hurt, they don't know what to do. The more hurt that is caused by making these excuses, the more rejection is going to be felt.
What people don't seem to understand, the spouse isn't just feeling it out for that moment, they have gaged whether to try to start to cuddle from the moment they walked in the door. And when the other spouse is complaining about how their day has been, how tired they are, how they don't feel well, that is a mood ruiner. That is what they seem to forget, is the spouse is already gaging if they should start and when they hear all of that, that is why they will not approach, they will not even try and soon 1 day becomes 2 and then 3 and soon a week has gone by of them listening to the spouse about how hard their life is etc... Soon 2 weeks and the rejection, the feelings become increasingly hard towards the other.
If you notice, that the one partner tried and has tried, has put the spouses feelings first, however the spouse that is complaining about their day, how they are tired, how they.... is only looking at what they need, no longer interested in the joint thing called marriage. They can only see themselves. The partner feels rejection, because their spouse can't look at the other person, they can only see themselves. That is rejection to the core. The more this occurs the more the spouse who isn't being fulfilled will get angry, the more angry they get, the more resentful of the what the other is complaining about, because the reason they can't make love is because of the things the spouse can't fix.
The very thing that the spouse thought they were providing, they are not, because the one thing that draws them together is lacking and it should not be. That is the one thing that makes them different than any other relationship out their. It is the fact that they can become one, one body, one flesh.
Is your marriage in this rut? The only way to get out of it, is to be honest with each other, brutally honest is hard, but divorce is harder. We have to stop this issue, because it is breaking down marriages, it is causing the others to fracture. If love is really putting the other first, are all you are doing is complaining and telling your spouse how you feel after a day, is all you are doing is complaining how things are better in your job or life, however you are not creating closeness with the one you are with? What do you think is the cause? Look at the truth, look at yourself before you start a battle with your spouse. Try to resolve the issue, because this is a very big issue.
The fracture breaks the foundation of your marriage, each crack lets a little more water in and soon your basement will be full, your walls crumbling all around you. There are ways to fix and repair the cracks, but it takes work. Don't let another crack be created, don't stop working on your marriage. Because your marriage is more important than work. If love is putting the other first, isn't time to see if you truly are.
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