Part 4 Sex the Taboo Subject

 It is so easy to miss the key factors of it all, if having sex, brings a couple together, helps them heal, than why don't we have more of it? Why is it the one area that is forgotten about? 

It is forgotten, just like one partner will forget that they like to have it or forget how good it feels to connect, that is the very thing that escapes peoples memories. When the memory is focused on what they need instead of what they can give to bring them together. If you ask couples or individuals, what area their marriage is struggling, they are apt to tell you finances or communication. If there is a lack of communication, have you seen what the root of the issue is? 

Remember each marriage is built on a foundation, each foundation is built on the individuals, however when those continue to be individuals, you take out the single foundation. If you look at broken marriages, what is one common complaint? It is that they are separate in everything, what happened to the one foundation? What broke first? That is the thing to ask. At the point that they are dealing with everything as separate, no longer as one unit. To create the unit again, they have to get back to the foundation that were built on. If they are not willing to do this, it will continue to break, soon there will be nothing left to recover, but nothing is impossible. 

The key to remembering the foundation is not to stop dating your spouse. Even when you are married. I think people take that statement differently, however you have to ask yourself what you did when you were dating that you are not doing now? 

• Paying attention to your spouse? (they were at one time the number one person you paid attention too, there was no others that caught your eyes).
• Holding hands, not just around people, but when it is just your spouse and you.
• Was there more physical touch? Why is that just for dating, once your married it should not stop, but only grow more and more.
• Did you listen to everything they said? Why aren't you doing it now?
• Did you plan dates, ways to woo them into wanting you more? Why did that stop, because you got them? No remember you should always keep the heat on in your marriage, because the last thing you want to happen is the flame to go out. Keep stoking the fire.
• Marriage is not the end, however only the beginning to a marriage that can grow in intensity and passion, don't think it is the end all. 
• If you look at why people have an affair, it isn't because they just wanted something more, it is because they wanted something that was missing. Is there anything missing from your marriage? What can you do to fix it, before there is a bigger issue.
• Sitting together, just simple as that, watching shows and movies together. When was the last time you spent time to just be with them? You have kids, that should be no excuse, you should teach your kids what marriage looks like, not what they see on TV, they should see it first hand. Be your partners closest friend, biggest fan, a support. You once were, what happened?

If these ring a bell to you and you can start introducing them again, don't hesitate to do so. Remember that marriage is the example we set for our kids, those around us, the world. If we are not happy in the one thing that will grow, until we are unhappy with many. Stop doing what you have been doing hoping for different results. Start doing something different, try to engage your spouse, try to build your marriage, don't wait, because it only gets harder and harder to get back to the basics.

Remember that you once loved your spouse and love isn't a feeling it is a choice. Time to make the right choices, time to add the spark that is missing. Time to put kindling on the fire, because the problem is when the one person starts taking the kindling off, puts on the brakes. The one spouse has to ask why. Time to build and don't stop building.